I ain't going to pay that for THAT! I can make it myself!

I am the DIY Wanna Be Queen.

What that really means is that I am to cheap to buy something and have grandiose ideas that I can actually make it myself.  It is also the admission to spending hours on Pinterest falling in love with things that will never come to be.

This is how it goes:

I see something. (Usually on Pinterest)

I go to Hobby Lobby and buy the crap.

I get home and unload the crap.

The crap sits in it's bag downstairs until one day I stumble upon it and wonder, "What in the world was I going to do with this?"

Please tell me I am not alone.

I am the StepMonster

Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had... Until I became a stepmom...

 I really hate that label. 

 "Stepmom"

Who came up with that terrible label?  Did a second wife somewhere throw herself over a puddle so that the kid didn't have to step in the water and from that moment they referred to her as "stepmom"?!  If so I would really like to punch her and the kid in the face.

Well I asked Google and this is what I got...

Where did the term stepmother originate?

Answer

In Old English the word -steop- designated family relationships formed when a widowed parent married. The history of the word meaning is 'bereaved'. Of course, today it isn't just death that creates new families but divorce as well.

Personally, I think that my idea of its origins is much more clever and dramatic. 

I asked my husband if it was difficult being a step dad and he acted like it was no big deal really.  I have checked out other bloggers and they advise that it's hard to write about the subject if you are "in the trenches" but I don't agree with that.  I started this blog to write about things that concerned me or that was on my mind.  

An online journal per say...

The hardest thing for me is that I have to constantly remind myself that I am not their mom.  I do all the things that moms do but when it gets down to the nitty gritty I am not their mom.  She can call or visit and I am tossed away like yesterday's garbage.  If they have no immediate use for me I am not acknowledged.  One blogger made a VERY good point, "if the kid can't treat you like a parent then you need to stop acting like a parent.  If all they want is a friend you need to stop doing all of the things that a parent does and only do what a friend does."  I think I like this idea.  

However, isn't this how all teenagers treat their parents?  Raising teenagers is a new concept for me.  I still had 4 good years before the evil teenager rose and reeked havoc on my life and the lives of those around me.

Maybe it is unfair of me to expect anything different because I know that if I were in her shoes I would be completely heartbroken if my kids didn't drop everything.  I try to put myself in her shoes when I start to feel this way.  

But...
Honestly sometimes I think, "Oh hell no!  My feelings are hurt and I am going to waller around in it for a little while!"  

We all know that there are 1000s of different moms in the world and no mom is the same.  There is no "right" way to be a mom.  

I am a different kind of mom than she is. Just like I am a different mom than the lady sitting in the car next to me.

Plain and simple.  


I am the type of mom that wants to know EVERYTHING that is going on in their lives.  I am super fly in how I obtain information that eventually leads them to rat themselves out.

In my head I am a totally cool, groovy mom who all of the kids wish their mom was like.  In reality I totally rock a pair of Mom Jeans!

I try to be involved in everything that my kids do.   I bake treats for class and away games.  I take each kid to lunch once a month and they never know which kid it will be.  I try to spend a little alone time with each kid, even if we don't say a word.  I drop almost anything and will completely rearrange my schedule so that I can try to make everything every kid is doing.  I will go without so that my kids can go with. 

Chill.

I am not "all hover mom". 

Kids have to make their own mistakes, I know that.  They have to experience life.  My job is to help them pick themselves back up or fix what is broken. 

Ok, back on point... 

This comes easy for me and my "old" kids.  It's a bit more difficult with me and  my new kids.  They have a different set of perceptions that they have been raised with up until now.  Add to that they are teenagers and it gets even more dicey.  I think that is where blended families make it or break it.

I mean, you are taking 2 completely different families and meshing them together.  Everything is different and everything is changing.  All of my kids are dealing with the mixed emotions of having "step parents".  

The crap like:  

if I love her does that mean that I love mom less

if I like to hang out with him does that mean that I don't love dad

or most recently

since he knows more about hunting than me does that make him more of dad's son than I am

That last remark pissed me off and broke my heart when I heard that.  

Divorce sucks.

What this post boils down to is...

Every single one of us is dealing with what life has thrown us the best we can.  I know this.  However, that doesn't change the fact that some days I want to pack up my family and move to a deserted island.  

But...

I don't.  

I don't because no matter what I want all of my kids to be less screwed up than I am.

Now isn't that an excellent goal to have as a parent!

  

  

I still hate the term "stepmom". 

I want to be called  Queen Mom or Your Most Excellence

Yes, I like that.  Commence name change now.

In all honesty I am sure that I am making it more difficult that it should be.  I tend to do that.  

A lot.

 I want everyone to be happy and healthy.  I want things to be fair.   

I worry.  

Yes, I am the worriest, worrier of the worry people. 

Things to be happy about...

As of late it has been a struggle to be happy.  I know some will say, "Just be happy.  It's simple."  Oh if only it were that simple.  When you lose your job, can't drive your car because you need new tires, are behind on bills because you lost your job and your spouse isn't working as many hours, have everyone in the house being disrespectful to one another, step on the scale and realize that you have put on 15 effin pounds...

The list goes on and on and on and on and on....

Ugh...

I am not an extremely positive person by nature and when life is constantly throwing crap at me I tend to get REALLY pessimistic.  I tend to think, "Screw this I am going to bed."  I realize that this isn't the most mature way to handle life's crap but it's how I do it and no matter what I do it's always my first reaction.

As I sit here on this cloudy day contemplating running away from it all I have decided to make a list of what makes me feel good, happy, and at peace.  I have to say this has been a very hard task because it is much easier to sit here and pout.  Plus I am a little ticked off at my husband and kids today and that makes it so much more difficult to think nice things about them.  (now, you know this is true)

Cleanliness

No I am not one of those people who have a phobia of germs and although my family thinks I have OCD: I like a clean and organized house.  Clutter drives me I.N.S.A.N.E.  The first few minutes when you crawl into a bed with clean sheets is almost like Heaven.  All of the cares seem to melt away as you snuggle in for a good nights sleep.  The sound of the washer and dryer running means that I am at home.  I love the smell of my husband when he gets out of the shower.  It's so nice to sit on the couch, cuddled up to him smelling of soap and shaving cream watching our favorite shows.  

Convenience 

It is absolutely wonderful to have modern conveniences.  For example:  Finding a toilet when you have unexpected diarrhea.  Another is the modern convenience I adore is that of heating and air conditioning.  On those cold winter days it is comforting when I hear the heater kick on, everyone has full belly's, and we are sitting together in one room.  (this is so rare with teenagers) 

Sleep

On the rare occasions when I can get 8 hours of sleep I am so productive the next day.  These days are few and far between and as the kids get older I am afraid there is going to be even more time between these blessed occurrences.  Whoever said that kids get easier as they get older LIED.  With 5 kids at home and very active I usually fall into bed around 11:00 completely exhausted. 

Comfort

There is very little that beats coming home from work, throwing on some yoga pants and taking off your bra.  Often when I finally walk in the door after a long day, it will take an act of Congress to force me to leave the house again.    

All Six Kids

Yes my kids can, will, and do drive me nuts often but without them I don't think I would be able to function in the most basic sense of the word.  When I watch them do what they love: play football, cheer, play volleyball, dance, etc; I am filled with such joy and so proud of them.  My heart melts when my middle school son still tells me he loves me, even in front of his friends, or when my 7 year old, who thinks she can do anything and everything the older kids do, grabs my hand when she is nervous or uncomfortable in a situation.  At their core our kids are great kids and I have to remind myself of that daily sometimes.  Especially when our daughter is secretly dating someone Dad doesn't approve of or our son is sneaking onto the iPad when he is grounded.  It is clear that they believe we are dumb as dirt.  

Painfully clear.

Surprises

Isn't it nice when you are pulling clothes out of the dryer and find a nice, crisp, clean $20 staring you in the face?  Or how about an unexpected "I Love You" note to brighten your day?  

Cooking and Baking

My signature dish is crap in a pot because I look the fridge and pantry and throw crap in a pot.  So far it has turned out pretty good!  I am a baker and like to bake just about anything!  I like to bake when no one is home and all is quiet.

A great outfit

It is awesome when I look through my closet and put together a totally kick ass outfit.  I don't get to shop for new clothes for myself as often as I would like so when I can accomplish this I feel great about myself and comfortable in my skin.  For me this is quite a feat.

Most favorite:  When my husband calls me beautiful  

  

  

Where did the summer go?

Well, since my last post I have been laid off, beaten, bruised, abused, appreciated, loved, to court, on vacation, and did I mention I was laid off?  

For the first time in my life I went to work only to be told that I needed to pack my things and turn in my keys.  I WAS given severance pay for 2 months but the kick to my ego was brutal.  Being laid off due to budget cuts is like saying, "You are the suckiest employee so we are kicking you out the door and keeping everyone else."  In reality, the entire office was closed but it makes me sound so much more pathetic when I describe it that way.  

los·er

ˈlo͞ozər/

noun

noun: loser; plural noun: losers

1. 1.

   a person or thing that loses or has lost something, esp. a game or contest.

   synonyms:

   defeated person, also-ran, runner-up More

   antonyms:

   winner

   • a person who accepts defeat with good or bad grace, as specified.

     "we won fair and square—they should concede that and be good losers"
   • a person or thing that is put at a disadvantage by a particular situation or course of action.

     "children are the losers when politicians keep fiddling around with education"
   • informal

     a person who fails frequently or is generally unsuccessful in life.

     "a ragtag community of rejects and losers"

     synonyms:

     failure, underachiever, ne'er-do-well, write-off

So, basically I was given the summer off with pay, much like when I was teaching, only my kids are at their dad's or at their mom's for the summer so that left more time for me to dwell on the fact that my munkies are not enjoying the hot summer days with me.  

I now hate summer.

It has been a really rough first year of marriage for us.  Maybe it's due to our baggage from our 1st marriages, maybe it's due to it being our first year of marriage, or it could be that we are trying to mold this marriage into our 1st marriages (now why in the hell would we want to do that?!).  For whatever reason, it has been rough.  I will admit that there are more sunny days than stormy (as I write this I am sure it will all go to the crapper for a couple of days).  

We did have a few good outings, went to the movies a lot, saw some dinosaurs, and took a little trip down to Texas.  

I got to see:

My Mama

My nephews

Michael drool

The kids chill on my Mama's bed like I have done all of my life

The kids turn into full fledged lake trash.

Father and daughter take time to take a picture.

(this is so very rare)

A dinosaur come to life and scare the bejeezus out of me

(Austin stood there completely not phased...)

and the littlest munky go to bed completely exhausted.

So though this year has been tough and life has thrown so much at us, I think that we have fared fairly well.  I am sure that some days it is really going to suck like a Hoover but we must remember that there is joy in the small things.

In the end I believe Journey had it right...

Scrimping Savagely on a Thursday

What comes to your mind when someone says, “Live simple”?  

The first image that pops into my head is a monastery in some isolated mountain range.  It is surrounded by green foliage and has about a millions steps that you have to climb to get there.

As you know I have been trying to adopt a more frugal lifestyle and it is hard.  I am one to expect 100% success from the beginning and this is not falling into that preconceived concept. 

Not at all.

I have noticed that I have been living in a “need” mode for a very, very long time.  Recently my husband came to me and told me that he wanted this camper.  He began talking about how he could add it to an existing loan or sell his car.  

For a millisecond I was on board and then I thought, “WTH Amy?!  There is no way you can afford this.  NO FRICKIN WAY!”  

We have way too many payments and are still getting caught up on bills that fell by the wayside when we were laid off.  The responsible thing to do is set aside money until we have an amount that will buy a reasonably priced camper.  While setting this money aside we need to work on paying off the loans and getting caught up on bills. 

This sucks.  

Like majorly.  

It sucks because I want it now.  My brain tells me I NEED IT NOW!

What has happened that I feel this way?  Was I raised this way and if I was just think about what I am doing to my kids.  It has to stop.  It has to.  I can shop frugally all day long but if I am not changing the big things then I am doing it all for nothing.  It has to be a packaged deal or it’s worthless.

So now it’s time to start applying a few other frugal habits to my life.  Time to suck it up and play hardball.

Man being a grownup really stinks.

Check out this title.  She has a lot of good information.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Frugal-Life-Simple-ebook/dp/B00B6EFPEK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369932784&sr=8-1&keywords=frugal+living

It's Summertime and That Means Carnivals!

The smell of popcorn, cotton candy, screams of joy, and caramel apples fills the air and you know it is finally summertime.  I remember how magical summer was when I was a kid.  The lazy days of playing outside, laying under the tree watching the clouds... those were wonderful days.  I remember watching the thermometer like a hawk, counting the degrees until it hit 70.  

You see 70 was the magical number.  

Once it hit 70 my brother and I could play in the water.  I don't know why Mom picked 70 but I didn't argue.  We would fill up our little red wagon and be transported to the largest swimming pool you have ever seen.  We had water slides, diving boards, and sharks.

Yes, sharks.  We were awesome like that.

Scott and I took the kids to the carnival a couple of weekends ago and it was fun to see them so excited.  From 16 down to 7 the excitement was overflowing and they could hardly wait to get their wristband.  Austin isn't one to take a lot of chances and he was hesitant to ride some rides.  I was very proud of him though.  He rode a ride that went high and he had his eyes closed during the ride.  He got off and said, "Mom I had my eyes closed the entire time."  I told him well that's ok, he got on and that is a big deal. 

Well we were standing in line for another ride and he looked at Michael and said, "Would you ride that with me again?  I want to ride it with my eyes open."  Some may say that he is a baby because he isn't "into" riding the rides but I think he showed a lot of courage and determination and I am proud of him.  

The other kids had no problem riding the rides, even Tyeler.  This scares the crap out of me! We ended the night with Brittney on the brink of vomiting.  

A kid feeling nauseous leaving the carnival, that makes the night a win!  

One Sad, Funky Lil Mama

Today my little munkies will go to their dad's for the summer.  I am so sad but I am trying to hold it together. They will be home every other weekend and I get them some for vacations.  I am still so very sad.

Scrimping Savagely on a Thursday

So I planned the meals for a week and I have to say that this week has been a lot easier.  The not worrying about what is for dinner is nice and I don't get a thousand questions about "what's for dinner" from the kids.  All they have to do is look at the fridge and it's all good.  

That's a good perk!

We bought groceries on Sunday and I have only had to go to the store once this week for bread, milk, and asparagus.  I think I need to start planning for side dishes as well and I can't believe I didn't think about it before.  I am going to try it one more week and then I think I will bump it up to planning for 2 weeks.  

We are beginning to get our budget together and I will have more for you on that in the next couple of weeks.

I found some interesting ideas out there and want to share this one with you.

http://www.funcheaporfree.com/2012/10/the-7-bank-accounts-every-family-should.html

 Read it, I promise you won't regret it.

It seems like a wacky, but awesome idea.

Savagely Scrimping on a Thursday

Hi everyone!  As you all know last weekend was Trevor's graduation and we had to throw a party.  That left us with a lot of leftover brisket!  There are only so many brisket sandwiches a person can handle but I had to much brisket to just throw away.

So...

I remembered for the wedding my sister and I concocted a little dish using leftover brisket so I took that and changed it up a bit.  I bought some Rice a Roni, beef flavored, tomato sauce, 2 cans of diced stewed tomatoes, and some tortillas.  I cooked the rice, through in the tomato sauce and tomatoes, added some ranch style and black beans from the pantry and fed my family of 8 for less than $6!  The great thing is that Scott and Trevor can take the leftover leftovers in their lunches!  This week I am planning my menu for the week.  Cross your fingers!

Another thing I am doing this week is starting a savings account for Scott and I.  Our plan is to put money from each paycheck in it and to not touch it until we have 4 months salary in it.  The money in it will allow us to pay off some vehicles and leave us with enough for a down payment for a brand spanking new mortgage payment!  

Remember, if you're new to being frugal baby steps is the way to go.  Don't get upset if you screw up.  It takes some time to replace old habits with new!      

Monday's Melodramatic Mini Series: The girl and the boy Episode 4

The girl is now a woman but she wishes she was a little girl.  She is now a mother and was a wife.  She was a wife until the boy, who is now a man, walked into their bedroom, looked at her and said “I want out.”  He wants out, after all of these years he wants out.  The image of him standing behind bars wearing an orange jumpsuit comes to mind and she begins to cry.  She realizes that being married to her is like jail to him.  Her heart breaks as she thinks, “What about the kids?” and she stands there watching his retreating back as the tears flow down her face leaving trails of regrets and broken promises.

The days turn too weeks and eventually months.  The girl doesn’t think about the boy as often and has started talking to other boys.  It doesn’t feel like cheating so much anymore and she is beginning to enjoy herself.  She develops a very good friendship with someone.  This someone helps her endure the dark times and enjoy the good times.  He becomes a confidant and she thinks, “If only he were gay this would be perfect!”  As the little girl enters the actual dating scene she is bombarded with vulgar offers and sexual innuendos.  

It’s like junior high all over again.

The girl began chatting with people.  At first she was nervous about the whole “online dating” thing but realized that if she was smart and careful everything was fine.  All of the attention was flattering at first but soon she began to grow tired of the childish, adolescent behaviors.  She wanted more out of life; she wanted more for her babies.  The major rule that the girl had was that no one met her babies until she was sure she wanted to spend time with the boy.

Months pass and boys come and go.  The girl’s tolerance for bullshit is nonexistent and boys do not last long.  Besides her non gay pal there is one other boy who she talks with often.  It is by text but she enjoys his company anyway.  Soon the boy asks the girl if he could call her.  Instantly she gets butterflies in her stomach and wants to run away.  She likes the boy too much to talk to him and doesn’t want to mess it up but the boy claims that she could never mess it up so hesitantly she agrees.  

The first time she hears his voice she thinks, “I didn’t think he would sound this way.”

The girl and the boy continue to talk on the phone.  They talk into the wee hours of the morning on most nights but neither seems to care.  Finally they meet and the boy won’t stop staring at the girl.  This makes her self-conscious and she finally asks, “What is wrong?  Is there something on my face?”  

The boy looks at her and says, “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.  Every time I look into your eyes I fall deeper in love with you.”  The girl’s head says this is to fast but something in her knows it is right.  “I am damaged goods”, the girl tells the boy, “I don’t know if I can love again.”  The boy looks at her and says, “We are all damaged and together we will learn to love again.”

The girl smiles and takes the leap of faith.

Mother's Day: A day filled with all of the same life crap plus extra hugs

This weekend was super busy for our house.  We had a graduate, grandparents, exes, family, and Mother's Day all wrapped into a neat, little dysfunctional package.  People began arriving Friday and we hit the ground running.  Not only did we have graduation to prepare for but we also had a munky running district track and a munky on a field trip 6 hours away.  

The day of graduation we had breakfast and began getting ready for the big event.  Showers started at 8:30 am and dirty little bodies rolled through procession with underwater dancing synchronicity.  The oldest girl munky curled the youngest girl munky's hair while I made sure the youngest boy munkies were wearing clean clothes and matching socks.  Big Daddy and Papa Kenny picked up the rented tables and finished straightening the backyard.  

Ok...

So that's the mechanics of the day but let's talk about the emotions of the day.  Big Daddy is stressed because he worries that things won't be perfect and I will be upset and he is sad because his munky is graduating.  Oldest female munky and third oldest munky are emotionally distraught because their mom is in town and they are concerned that they won't be able to spend time with her.  The two youngest munkies are sad because the other munkies have been with their mom.  

Do you need a minute to figure out which munky is doing what?

That's ok I will wait....

Oldest Munky graduates and we eat.  The 3 oldest munkies minus the graduate concoct a plan to stay the night with their mom even though it was decided that they would stay at the house due to other relatives being there.  

We end the night sitting by the fire, eating smores and drinking wine.

Yes we ARE classy!

Mother's Day arrives and I get a special gift from the littlest munky and a hug from the next to littlest munky.  Big Daddy keeps asking me if I am going to get ready, so I do.  I get a Happy Mother's Day wish from the second oldest munky and I walk into the living room and catch Big Daddy messaging the oldest female munky and I get a message from her sending me wishes.  I sit down next to him and check my Facebook.  I stumble upon her wishing her mom happy Mother's Day and my heart breaks.  It breaks because mom ranks wishes on a wall and I get a message after dad reminds her.  It is then that I realize that I will forever be a substitute pitcher.  An hour after she posts the wishes to her mom, she posts wishes to me.  I am positive that this is after Big Daddy informs her that I cried like a baby.  

I know that she loves her mom and I have always said that I just wanted a place in their life.  It just cracked my heart a bit and it is what it is.

We head out to town and meet the munkies at a Mother's Day Brunch.  

There was an ice sculpture!

The moment we sat down I knew that emotions were to raw for anyone to truly enjoy this day.  Everyone was bickering, pouting, whining...

I was sad for a minute as I sat there thinking, "I give so much to these kids and everyone of them are being so selfish.  So consumed with what they want.  I can't have one day."

So I decided to take joy in the small things.  Big Daddy trying so hard to plan a nice day, a hug, a kiss...

Let me brag about my family for a moment.  Although everyone of them acted like a punk most of the day there was one exceptional moment in WalMart.  This is rare because I HATE WALMART!  This moment is so exceptional I am using real names because it's so very special.

Austin asked Scott for some money so that he could buy me a present.  Scott distracted me, slipped him a $20, and off he went.  I was trying desperately to keep everyone together because I was ready to get the hell out of there.  I finally managed to get 4 out of the 6 together and ordered them to stay at the water guns. I went to the water guns and here come Brittney, Austin, and Tyeler running from outside.  Michael and Aidan are no where to be found and Trevor is oblivious to it all.  At this point I am stressed beyond stressed and want to get the hell out of there.  

Later I find that my family was purposely stressing me so that they could buy my present and get it to the Excursion.  Austin had decided that he was getting me flowers to plant and the 5 of them picked them out.  

It was a special moment in a very trying day and that is the moment I will carry in my heart.