I am the StepMonster

Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had... Until I became a stepmom...

 I really hate that label. 

 "Stepmom"

Who came up with that terrible label?  Did a second wife somewhere throw herself over a puddle so that the kid didn't have to step in the water and from that moment they referred to her as "stepmom"?!  If so I would really like to punch her and the kid in the face.

Well I asked Google and this is what I got...

Where did the term stepmother originate?

Answer

In Old English the word -steop- designated family relationships formed when a widowed parent married. The history of the word meaning is 'bereaved'. Of course, today it isn't just death that creates new families but divorce as well.

Personally, I think that my idea of its origins is much more clever and dramatic. 

I asked my husband if it was difficult being a step dad and he acted like it was no big deal really.  I have checked out other bloggers and they advise that it's hard to write about the subject if you are "in the trenches" but I don't agree with that.  I started this blog to write about things that concerned me or that was on my mind.  

An online journal per say...

The hardest thing for me is that I have to constantly remind myself that I am not their mom.  I do all the things that moms do but when it gets down to the nitty gritty I am not their mom.  She can call or visit and I am tossed away like yesterday's garbage.  If they have no immediate use for me I am not acknowledged.  One blogger made a VERY good point, "if the kid can't treat you like a parent then you need to stop acting like a parent.  If all they want is a friend you need to stop doing all of the things that a parent does and only do what a friend does."  I think I like this idea.  

However, isn't this how all teenagers treat their parents?  Raising teenagers is a new concept for me.  I still had 4 good years before the evil teenager rose and reeked havoc on my life and the lives of those around me.

Maybe it is unfair of me to expect anything different because I know that if I were in her shoes I would be completely heartbroken if my kids didn't drop everything.  I try to put myself in her shoes when I start to feel this way.  

But...
Honestly sometimes I think, "Oh hell no!  My feelings are hurt and I am going to waller around in it for a little while!"  

We all know that there are 1000s of different moms in the world and no mom is the same.  There is no "right" way to be a mom.  

I am a different kind of mom than she is. Just like I am a different mom than the lady sitting in the car next to me.

Plain and simple.  


I am the type of mom that wants to know EVERYTHING that is going on in their lives.  I am super fly in how I obtain information that eventually leads them to rat themselves out.

In my head I am a totally cool, groovy mom who all of the kids wish their mom was like.  In reality I totally rock a pair of Mom Jeans!

I try to be involved in everything that my kids do.   I bake treats for class and away games.  I take each kid to lunch once a month and they never know which kid it will be.  I try to spend a little alone time with each kid, even if we don't say a word.  I drop almost anything and will completely rearrange my schedule so that I can try to make everything every kid is doing.  I will go without so that my kids can go with. 

Chill.

I am not "all hover mom". 

Kids have to make their own mistakes, I know that.  They have to experience life.  My job is to help them pick themselves back up or fix what is broken. 

Ok, back on point... 

This comes easy for me and my "old" kids.  It's a bit more difficult with me and  my new kids.  They have a different set of perceptions that they have been raised with up until now.  Add to that they are teenagers and it gets even more dicey.  I think that is where blended families make it or break it.

I mean, you are taking 2 completely different families and meshing them together.  Everything is different and everything is changing.  All of my kids are dealing with the mixed emotions of having "step parents".  

The crap like:  

if I love her does that mean that I love mom less

if I like to hang out with him does that mean that I don't love dad

or most recently

since he knows more about hunting than me does that make him more of dad's son than I am

That last remark pissed me off and broke my heart when I heard that.  

Divorce sucks.

What this post boils down to is...

Every single one of us is dealing with what life has thrown us the best we can.  I know this.  However, that doesn't change the fact that some days I want to pack up my family and move to a deserted island.  

But...

I don't.  

I don't because no matter what I want all of my kids to be less screwed up than I am.

Now isn't that an excellent goal to have as a parent!

  

  

I still hate the term "stepmom". 

I want to be called  Queen Mom or Your Most Excellence

Yes, I like that.  Commence name change now.

In all honesty I am sure that I am making it more difficult that it should be.  I tend to do that.  

A lot.

 I want everyone to be happy and healthy.  I want things to be fair.   

I worry.  

Yes, I am the worriest, worrier of the worry people.