Monday's Melodramatic Mini Series: The Girl and the Boy Episode 2

The little girl loves sitting in her tree watching the world go on underneath her feet.  The sound of the wind through the trees calms her and the warm air makes her feel safe.  She looks around the neighborhood and wonders what life is like in other homes.  Is Mommy there all day with them?  Where is Daddy?  Does he come home at night?  Does everyone have their own room and can they hang things on their walls?  The little girl hears someone approaching and looks down.  She sees her little brother trying to climb the tree.  She knows he can’t climb up because she pulled up the rope so she watches him.  She asks herself, “Why are little boys so weird?”  She wonders why he has to go everywhere and do everything she does.  

The little girl lets down the rope.

The little girl sits in her tree with her little brother wondering why the world is the way it is.  She wonders why people can’t get along, why she can’t have brown eyes instead of blue, and why her daddy is never home.  She looks at her brother and wonders why he always has to wear blue jeans and boots.  She hopes that it is warm enough to play in the water and Mommy lets them.  The little girl is excited because the 4^th of July is coming up and she gets to decorate her bicycle and ride it in the parade.  

She can’t wait to pop firecrackers and hopes that she doesn't burn her brother this year. 

The little girl and her little brother run home from school.  There is someone special waiting at home.  Someone who has been living in their house but they have not met yet.  They are excited and scared at the same time.  As they burst in the door, they run to the chair and laying there is a crying bundle of crazy hair.  The little girl and her brother look at one another, shrug their shoulders, and go outside to play.  

The little girl is confused and a little disappointed about what she just saw but knows that she loves the crying bundle of crazy hair and will protect her, just like she protects her little brother.

The little girl wakes up to loud talking.  She doesn't know what is being said but it doesn't sound good.  She lays there wondering what she could have done differently.  She thinks back to all of the times that she was mean to her little brother and little sister and promises to never be mean again.  If she wasn't mean then maybe she wouldn't be hearing loud voices.  Maybe if she was a better daughter her daddy wouldn't have come home acting strange and throwing up in a pan.  He threw up in the spaghetti pan; she hopes she will be able to eat spaghetti again.  The voices get louder and out of curiosity she creeps down the hallway.  The little girl kneels down and tries to look under the door.  She sees something that will be forever burned into her memories and runs back to her bed.  

The little girl climbs back into bed and begins to cry.  She sits up and leans against the wall only to be stung by a wasp as her daddy storms out of the house.  

Scrimping Savagely on a Thursday: Welcome to the new cool kid concept

fru·gal  

[froo-guhl] : adjective

economical in use or expenditure; prudently saving or sparing; not wasteful: What your office needs is a frugal manager who can save you money without resorting to painful cutbacks. Synonyms: thrifty, chary, provident, careful, prudent, penny-wise, scrimping; miserly, Scotch, penny-pinching. Antonyms: wasteful, extravagant, spendthrift, prodigal, profligate.

or

entailing little expense; requiring few resources; meager; scanty: a frugal meal. Synonyms: scant, slim, sparing, skimpy. Antonyms: luxurious, lavish, profuse.

Frugal is the new black.  It's the new cool kid table in the economically friendly cafeteria.  

Frugal people have emerged from their off the grid homes and proclaimed, “I am not cheap!  I am frugal (and I have more money and less debt than you)!"  

I say this in jest.  In reality I am jealous of them and their frugal ways.

Their tips and tricks work.  I grew up using them out of necessity.  My mom worked 3 jobs and I helped raise my little brother and sister.  Eventually my mom got her nursing degree and now she is pretty dang successful.  I admire her for all of that hard work.  I still use them but my downfall is that when I do have some moola in my pocket I can’t seem to hang on to it. 

Please tell me I am not alone. 

That I am not some sort of freak of nature.

I know that this ridiculous spending is because I have no self-control or money management skills.  I know that I SHOULD know how to manage my money because I am 38 years old and have a family.  I know that I SHOULD be ashamed because I AM ashamed. 

I have bought the books, read the blogs, and beat myself up.  And don’t forget the eating healthy part.  I have the Insanity Workout and Turbo Fire Series and have never used either of them like I am supposed to.  I have a kick ass juicer that I have used a handful of times.

I have the best intentions but lack the follow through.

So…

I have decided to start working towards a frugal, healthy lifestyle and here is what I am going to do.  I am making myself accountable to the World Wide Web.  Every Thursday there will be a Scrimping Savagely on a Thursday post where I am going to update you on what I changed in my life for that week and how it went.  I will share my resources and maybe someday will have some advice to give. 

You see I am sticking to the belief that I am not alone in this…

Help me help you! 

Sorry had a Jerry McGuire moment.

Until then check out this website www.wisebread.com

They have some awesome articles like these:

http://www.wisebread.com/are-you-frugal-or-cheap?wbref=slide

http://www.wisebread.com/a-beginner-s-guide-to-frugal-living?wbref=readmore-1

North Dakota News Bismarck Anchor AJ Clemente Swears

Warning:  Does contain some bad language

Talk about a short lived career!  Is he really that stupid?  I mean a weekend co anchor isn't a position that rakes in the big bucks but it can lead to something big.  His first night and he totally screws it up!  Wow!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=D0rP6IM4wjU

The Girl and the Boy Episode 1

The young girl believes that marriage is a magical place where love conquers all and that no harm could come to two people in love.  She is so excited to have her own home, to cook dinner for her husband, and to settle in for the night, just her and him.  The feeling of excitement is almost uncontainable.  She has her own house and the beginning of her own brand new family.  She can decorate her home in any way she wants and yard sales become her friend.  Everything decorating their little world is second hand but she loves it unconditionally.  She is excited for her future, for their future.  The girl and the boy are so happy, so indestructible.

The years came and went and soon the boy and girl are celebrating their 7^th anniversary.  They are so happy.  The boy is partner to a successful company.  They have a happy life full of things: campers, four-wheelers, new vehicles, and a big house.  The girl loves the boy with everything she has, her complete soul is his and she gives it willingly.  She loves him so.

The internet is new.  Cell phones and chat rooms are the new way of communicating with people around the world.  Email replaces letters and the girl sits teaching her mother in law how to send an email.  As she opens the boy’s email account she stumbles across an email that begins, “You are an angel and complete my life…”  Excited she opens the email only to find that it is not addressed to her.  Her heart breaks and her soul empties.  She is but a shell of what she was only moments ago.  The hurt is soon replaced with anger and she is found sitting on the side of the highway crying and screaming out to everyone and to no one at the same time. 

The boy is sorry for what he did, professing his undying love for the girl and promises that it will never, ever happen again.  The girl asks him, “Why? Why did you do this?  Am I not enough?”  The boy does not have an answer and she accepts this.  She accepts this because she loves him so much that life without him is not an option.  In the farthest recesses of her mind she stores away that she wasn’t enough.  After the tears were shed, screams were heard, and forgiveness was given the boy and the girl continued their happy life.  It was happy but for a small tarnished spot that would never buff away.  No matter how hard the girl scrubbed, the spot could not be beat and often while she sits alone she can hear the faintest whisper, “You are not enough.”        

It's Something New!

Let me introduce you to...

Monday's Melodramatic Mini Series!

Every Monday there will be a new post about the newest mini series called:

The Girl and the Boy

Are you super stoked? 

I AM!

It's Sunday and Mother Nature Could Be High...

Well it's Sunday, the day of rest.  The funny thing is that I hardly ever actually rest.  I have to really work hard to carve out some time to blog or craft.  For example I planned to spend the day sewing and organizing my little corner of the basement.  

That was my plan...

I didn't get to do that.  I had a baby shower to go to and then my corner of the world was taken over by...

my girls.

Notice how un-organized and un-inspiring my workspace is.  The only thing that is working for me is that the dryer is running and that makes me feel safe.  Yep.  My dryer running makes me feel safe and secure.  I love the smell of the laundry and the soft humming of the dryer.  PLUS it drowns out some of the ruckus in the rest of the house.  

Now you know that I am strange.  

Really strange.  

I don't know why the dryer makes me feel safe.  I can remember living at home and when we had a dryer I felt like everything was going to be ok.  Then we couldn't make the payment and they would take the dryer away.  Back to the laundry mat we would go.  

I hate laundry mats.

So now when I feel like my world is falling apart a little I do some laundry and hang out in the laundry room.  

So anyway...

My girls took over my corner and worked on some decoupage.  They decided to make their names and it ended up pretty cute.  Now I have to figure out how to get them hung up on their walls. E-6000 don't let me down!

As the day ended and everyone began to settle down I was able to snag this picture.  

Michael smiled after the picture so I THINK he was happy chilling with the little munkey.  It gives me hope that our blended family is going to be A-OK.   

Hey I am an upstanding member of the community...

When I married Scott I moved to a new little town.  Well it's an old little town but to me it's a new little town.    It is a town that he grew up in and where his family lives.  When I say a small town I mean S M A L L town.  We have one grocery store and it closes at 8 pm.  

In my previous life I wanted to belong to civic groups, to make a difference.  That never panned out.  When I left my beloved State of Texas 4 years ago and moved to Kansas, I joined a Ladies Jr Civic Club and participated in it for about a year or two.  It lost it's luster but looking back that was when the problems in my life caught up with me and I went into survival mode.  

I had sick kids today and used this opportunity to catch up on Season 3 of The Walking Dead.  Yes I know it is over but I do not have cable so I am playing catch up.  SSHSHSH!  Don't ruin it for me!  

Ok, wait a minute.

Let me get back on track....

 There was a scene in one of the episodes where Andrea says, "I have been surviving for so long, I don't know what is important to me any more "  When I heard this I thought, "THAT is EXACTLY how I feel!"  I survived for so long, so many years, that I lost sight of what I wanted to do in this world.    

Don't misunderstand, I have always wanted to be a mom and I love being a mom.  When I talk about what I want to do in this world, I mean, "What makes me happy?  What is it that I really like to do?" You know, OUTSIDE of being a mom...

Well this little new/old town has helped me to slowly figure out what it is that I want to do.  I want to be proud of where I live.  I want to be a part of the things offered in this little community.  I want to get my shit together and be a real grown-up.

SO...

I joined a group called Lakin Pride Committee.  This group helps to beautify this little town.  They, in conjunction with the City of Lakin, have built 3 parks and have many other projects to make Lakin a pretty place to live.  I had the opportunity to help put together a swing set that was part of the new playground in one of the parks. 

See that's me!  I am the shadow! My husband is the one in the cap... 

Do you see him? ;)

  

This is the bare bones of the playground!

The really great thing is that my husband supports me and jumps right in there when he is needed for the projects.

So I am pleased to announce that I am an upstanding member of the community... almost!

I may not be perfect but at least I try

I go to bed every night thinking about what I could have done differently. I think about where I failed and where I succeeded.  Some days I really screw up as a mom.  I mean REALLY screw up.  Then I go to bed thinking, "I have warped my children for life!"

 I haven't forgotten one yet....

YET!

I don't always give that special "atta boy" and sometimes I miss when a hug is all that was needed.  I don't mean to, life gets in the way.  As I reflect over the day I see that fleeting crushed look when I said something that came out to harsh and didn't give that hug.  I see that look and my heart breaks.

Sometimes I don't tell one of my kids that they are super special when they need it the most.  Surrounded by the darkness I see the look of self doubt in my child's eyes projecting on my ceiling.  Shining like the brightest star in the sky.  I can't help but see this and know that I failed.

Then there are times when I yell at the perpetrator of a spilled drink and fail to realize it was only an accident.  I see a huge mess to clean up and not the immediate look of apology. When I close my eyes at night I see that look, the look of big, sad, pleading eyes and it haunts my dreams.

On those days I  really screw up. 

 TOTALLY!

I have to believe that because I sit and reflect on what I could have done better, I am a good mom.  Or an aspiring good mom anyway...   I have to believe that those precious moments when I bring my "A" game count more than those when I totally dropped the ball.  I love my kids more than they will ever know.  Old, new, borrowed, blue... I love them and I hope that someday they will look back and say, "You know she wasn't always perfect but at least she always tried."