Most days I try to see the good, be thankful for what I do have, be cheerful and outgiong. It seems those days are becoming fewer and farther between. Yes Matchbox 20, I do need to get back to good. Thanks for noticing. I don't really know why I am feeling this way but it's crawling all over me today.
Today feels like a day that would be fit for a big pile of poop. Every single one of my insecurities are out for everyone to poke and prod, to tickle with their pointy fingers. Every wrinkle on my face, dimple on my butt, failed attempt at something, crumb of my muffin top, inch of my stupid chicken wings I now have on my arms hangs out there for all to see. Like a giant billboard of fear and failure.
Yes I am having a pity party and I am serving macaroons. Macaroons that I tried to bake and failed miserably at.
Snap out of it!
This is turning EMO fast!
Wait a second... where IS my black nail polish and eye liner anyway?
MICHAEL?!
It just REALLY sucks when people take advantage of your good intentions. Major suckage. I don't know why I want everyone to be happy. I don't know why I believe that if you treat someone the way you want to be treated, that they will do the same. What happened to just being nice to someone, for the simple reason, "YOU WANT TO BE NICE!" I try to teach the "golden rule" to my kids... oh crap, does that make me a liar now? Am I setting me and them up for continual heart ache?
Liars bug the crap out me too. I HATE to be lied to and my heart hurts when I lie. I try not to lie, really I do. If I am lying to someone it's almost a sure thing that they are lying to me too. Is this human nature or am I a terrible person? I like to think I am a good person but who doesn't? I am pretty sure there aren't a lot of people who sit around and think, "I am going to be the crappiest person I can be today. GO ME!"
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| Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's |
I really wish that I was as awesome as I think I am. In reality I am just like everyone else... nothing special really. Have you seen that video of 2 people in an elevator, one pretending to kill the other? Well, I am not sure that I would save a stranger, but I would like to think that I would. I am pretty sure I wouldn't be like the dude taking pictures of it but today it's a little if-ee.
Today I feel a lot like Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's. My favorite qoute from her is, "I'm like cat here, a no-name slob. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other." I think this perfectly sums up how I feel today. I'm just a no name slob trying to live the life of a picture perfect true red blooded American.
I think the best thing to do is put myself in a timeout. If I do that my next post will be much more chipper.....
Well a little more chipper anyway.
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